Gluttony

At my computer again when

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

HKADGAHSGA 6 (this is a name of a game hehe) is coming out soooon!

Call me a gamer, because honestly, gaming is my life.

I eat, sleep, and study videogames.

At home, I have three computers each with the latest features. I have two speakers that can blow your ears off, perfect for my video games. I also have an X Box together with 123 games every gamer would die for. Although I want to replace my phone, I have an Iphone 5 with 64 gig perfect for my cravings for high def graphics applications. My room is built perfectly so that all my gadgets have a place.

Yes, I’m spoiled. Well maybe that’s one of the many perks of having two rich business-oriented parents. Although they are always out of town, I appreciate these gifts they always send me. HAHA

I want to get this new video game. I need to have it.

Lust

He’s perfect.

His voice, his accent, his hair, his nose, everything. Even the way he walks, honestly. I find grace in everything he does, especially when he sings.

It started that way- simple adoration.

Then, I began to like him even more, love him.

I got his number through a friend. I began to text him every morning, every after school, every night, and even at midnight. I began to stress out during the times he won’t text back. Once, I called him. Once became twice, thrice. It became an everyday routine.

I never actually talked to him personally but I watch him not too far away. I see to it that I know who he mingles with, who he goes home with, and even who he eats lunch with. I take note of every detail- the time he enters school, his schedule, the time he leaves, etc.

One time, I actually followed him home. His house is painted dark blue with a red roof, three or four flower pots on the doorway, wooden door, marble tiles, two guard dogs. A few days after, I didn’t notice I’ve been following him since that day.

That’s how much I like him, love him, want him.

Greed

“I need them all”, I said.

My product presentation is only a few days away. I’ve worked so hard for this. This is everything I have. I won’t let anyone get anything from me, even if mom said so.

A few minutes ago, mom’s secretary knocked on my office door, asking if I had extra workers, specifically product designers. My brother is planning to release his product next week. I never knew he’s into this kind of thing. I know he doesn’t. So why want it now? Why ask from me? What does he want to prove?

No, he’s not going to win this. This is my thing. This is what I lived my life for.

These workers I have right now are mine. They won’t be working for my brother, parents, anyone. They’re meant to work only for my product, my line, mine alone.

Envy

And there she stood with all the riches, all the beauty, all the intelligence. She stood there with everything, everything I wanted. I’ve always known her.

Rich, pretty, smart … perfect. We were bestfriends, sisters almost. We had so much fun. We were inseparable. I remember it like it was just yesterday. Although in fact, it’s more or less 10 years ago. It all came down too fast, our friendship. We had so much memories, but what happened? Our families. It didn’t seem to work out.

It was the 27th of June when my dad left us for them, her and her mother. Crucial. It was 27th of June when I lost someone who had a huge role in my life and she gained someone to call a “father”, 27th of June when I lost the caring mother I once had and she had the happiest mother, 27th of June when I lost the family who raised me to who I am now and she was able to complete hers, 27th of June when she decided to take things, little by little until I have none while there she stood, unknowingly taking things from me, having everything I want.

Rage

RAGE

Everything turned black. Amed became dizzy, unconscious of his surroundings. His father was explaining but he can’t understand anything, only murmurs which were barely audible. His environment was turning. It was turning very fast, too fast. He doesn’t know what’s happening. All he knows is that he Is mad; angry at his father.

Who wouldn’t? This is too much, he thought. He can tolerate his father coming home late, drunk. He can tolerate his father’s swears and curses. He can tolerate his casual punches. But, when it comes to his sister, Adria, it’s a  big no. Adria is the only family he considers. He can tolerate anything, everything. But, the bruise that he saw on Adriana’s arms a while ago, that was enough. It was enough to crave for revenge, for blood.

The true Amed is quiet, responsible, understanding, helpful, a really good student. But, the Amed now isn’t him at all. This guy was looking for a fight, wanting justice. He grabbed the closest thing his hands could reach. He stabbed it to his father in one swift move.

Silence… that’s all there was- silence. His consciousness was back. He raised his hand and saw blood. There was blood on the floor, on the couch, on his father.

Pride

“No!”, I shouted back.

Marissa stood there, quiet. Who wouldn’t be? An innocent, quiet girl had just shouted for the first time. A girl who never stood for herself, a girl who never fought, a girl who barely talked, a girl who was always helpless, she shouted. She was giving a fight for the very first time.

“I said no”, I repeated, more calmly this time.

It’s not my fault, is it? It’s not me. It’s him. It’s his fault. I am the victim. I shouldn’t be the one to blame. He lied to me. He did it on purpose, I know it. It’s not fair, being the one who looks like the bad person while in fact; I am the one who was played with. I never asked, I admit it. But is it not fair to be informed about him leaving? Is it not fair to know the things I need to expect? Now, people think I’m the bad guy, the antagonist. No, I won’t let my walls down again. He’s not worth even a glance. He lied. It was two years ago, March 4, 2011, our anniversary. I was on my way to his house to surprise him with his favorite, my mom’s macaroons. But, there he was in the backyard, kissing this piece of – okay. I don’t remember much but I knew I ran. I ran as fast as I can away from him, from her, from everyone. I became this quiet girl who doesn’t interact with anyone. He called me a few times? Many times? I don’t know. I locked myself with my own barriers. He did a lot of things to show how sorry he is. He even asked a famous band to play this sorry song shz once. But, I don’t need his explanations, his sorry. I’ve heard a lot about how sorry he was and that he was this stupid jerk blablabla but damn all his words. There’s no justification in whatever he did. Just no.

And now Marissa, his sister, is here informing me that he leaves in two hours. Should I go after him? Should I hear the explanations I’ve wanted for the past 2 years? Should I?

“No”, I repeated for the last time.

perf.

Where's my fairytale?

Do you still love me?

That kept ringing inside my head.

I don’t know what I’m fighting for anymore. I’d sacrificed a lot, for us. I could say he did the same thing.

I just don’t really understand the point of everything right now.

My world had just crushed into tiny little bits of pieces of nothingness. I don’t know who’s right anymore.

Truth always kills me. It hurts to tell it.

You still love him, right? I asked myself.

Yes, definitely.

But the thing is, it hurts. It hurts that I love him still. That I cope up with every piece of crap.

I couldn’t bare lose him. But I couldn’t bare to cry myself to sleep every night anymore.

I couldn’t bare to see myself suffer anymore.

What is it, really, that got us into this?

Is it me? Or him? Us? What?

Is it just because we…

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Sloth

4:00 AM

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

Stupid alarm clock. Let me sleep.

5:30 AM

Uhhh. Wait, just 5:30 AM? Well I guess a few more minutes won’t hurt.

7:00 AM

My siblings can cook their own food. I’ll just stay in bed for a few more minutes and stay up to take a bath then go to the office. Uhh, office. Why can’t I have unlimited money and not work?

8:30 AM

WHAAAAAAT? I’m late for work! I’m too tired. I’ll go for a few more minutes. I’ll just enter work late.

11:00 AM

WHAT THE MOTHER GORILLA I slept that long? Kill me. Guess i can’t go to the office now.

6:00 PM

Can’t believe I sleplt the whole day. I wasn’t able to feed the dog, do the dishes, cook for Ann and Sam, give mom her medicine, go to work, wash my clothes. Screw life, i’ll do everything tomorrow., maybe

 

 …. or not.

Some times in my awesome existence. Okay.

NOVEMBER

November? Same old Jara with the same old stuffs to do. These requirements are really getting more and more demanding since I first entered my school. But seriously though. I”ve always had lot of requirements but none this demanding. My freshman ang sophomore year went by quickly, simple, and really easy. I mean, not really easy, but nothing I can’t handle. I was always able to pass quality requirements back then. But Junior year? Jesus, this is nothing compared to those two years. Okay, so I may be acting so exaggerated and dramatic but I’m serious here. November means exams are near and it’s time to panic. More requirements are yet to come and i just want to die. Kidding >:) But, really. Junior year gives a heck of a load and requires a lot of time and effort especially when exams are near. I’ve never thought about quitting in anything but these requirements are just tiring. So yes, this November, you’ll be meeting the weak me. Jara, jara, jara, you’re so weak. And that’s not all. There’s a lot of drama going around the classroom and i just can’t deal with everything anymore. People are crying every so often and I don’t know. Giving up? Maybe. After all my hard work in this school, I’m actually thinking about giving up and rest and eat. But hell, that will never happen. Not in a million billion gazillion years of my existence.  I’ve put up a lot of expectations. First from my parents, my relatives, my teachers, my classmates, i mean a loooot! So yes, hello requirements, let’s rock and roll.

DECEMBER

It’s the last day of exams and I’m actually depressed. Maybe because of a couple of requirements I wasn’t able to submit but also maybe because I didn’t review much for my exam. But, whatever. Exams are done and I’m not going to be depressed for the next few days because it’s vacation! Hell yes. But, we still have a Christmas Party tomorrow(which I don’t like to attend to). So here I am in the mall with my senior friends looking for something to buy for the exchange gift thingy. I was actually having a good time when these two guys came. They were both seniors as well but one of them, I’m not comfortable to be with. Maybe because we had something going on the last time I saw him, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. No good vibes but no bad vibes either. Maybe, he doesn’t mean anything to me now. But that’s just stupid thinking I can feel my cheeks burning whenever he does this thing where he needs to exist at my school. Okay I’m sounding a little bratty so I’ll stop now. And guess what? My friends who I came here with had a really nice plan of leaving me alone with him. What the hell is that? Okay, so what do normal people do? They talk. So we talked and talked about a lot of things (Just like in the past) Oh god why am i even thinking about the past. It was actually fun. I came home that day and saw his name on my phone. He was talking about how comfortable it was to be with me and that just did it. My walls are down again and the mask is gone. I’m letting myself trust him again. And for what? For another… Okay whatever. Enjoy the moment while it lasts. Only another three months before he leaves so let’s see how this will go. For now, I’ll stay happy.

End of The World? (Interview with the Devil)

Devil: So, you are human, eh?

Interviewer: I believe I am, sir.

Devil: Are you my son?

Interviewer: Huh?

Devil: Oh. So you are His son, then.

Interviewer: Yes, sir. I believe every human is His son.

Devil: That’s where you’re wrong, lad. There are two types of humans, mine and His.

Interviewer: How does that even happen?

Devil: What do you mean “how”? It comes naturally.

Interviewer: I’m not really getting any understanding here, sir.

Devil: My sons are great, powerful, and proud. They always please me with what they do. They are really useful.

Interviewer: I believe your sons are the bad guys, huh? Yes. They are indeed powerful. Powerful enough to kill so many and really proud about it.

Devil: *roars* I think you should do your purpose here, lad. Before things get heated up.

Interviewer: I just want to ask for your opinion.

Devil: And you think I’m just kind enough to give you answers, huh? I don’t think so.

Interviewer: Please, sir.

Devil: PLEASE? Please, huh? Isn’t that the nicest thing to say? NO! That’s the most stupid word humans ever invented. They aaaaaaaaaaaalways always use it to get what they want. They think they are so nice but I know for a fact that it’s just another way to greed! <evil laugh> Greed. Hmmm.

Interviewer: I really want your opinion.

Devil: Now, now. Someone’s persistent.

Interview: So are you going to answer me?

Devil: Time is running, lad. Go on before I change my mind.

Interviewer: So I bet you know about the rumor. The End of the world?

Devil: +smiles* What about that?

Interviewer: What’s your opinion about it?

Devil: What should I say? It is going as planned and as expected.

Interviewer: But I thought the end of the world was supposedly on the 21^st of December last year? It didn’t happen and I bet it never will. How can you say that it’s going as planned? And you’re expecting it?

Devil: You know so little, boy. The world is going to end and you don’t even know it.

Interviewer: But the scientists already said that the world is not bound to end for the next billion years.

Devil: Scientists? Pff. What do they know? They know nothing!

Interviewer: What do you mean?

Devil: You look so directly on things. The world is really going to end and you*points* humans are going to cause it. <evil laugh> Look around you, boy. The world is slowly dying. People are fighting, killing each other, stealing, gambling, cheating, lying HAHAHAHAHA They are happily cooperating with my plan. The world will not end by a big explosion. Of course not. That’s just stupid.

Interviewer: So you’re trying to say that through the actions of humans, the world is dying? Huh? I don’t understand.

Devil: The Earth, the world of the humans, are controlled by you humans yourselves. But what are you doing? Fighting with each other and trying to own whatever piece of land you find. That is not the Earth He made. He made a world made for humans for love *Says in disgust* and other weenie things. But this Earth you are making now, it is entirely different. The world he made is dying. And my world is slowly arising BWAHAHA

Interviewer: I get it

Devil: You get it? HAH! That’s some really interesting news from a human. They never really get anything.

Interviewer: I think I have done my purpose. Thank you for your time

Devil: Have fun with the new world … with me >=)